its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
