I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
