Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
