You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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