if you like me you must not know who I am
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
