Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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