I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
