I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
