What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
