if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
