Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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