Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize