I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
