I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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