I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
