LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
