I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
