did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He kissed a someone with a penis
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
