Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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