How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
