You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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