How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
