I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
