Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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