Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
