Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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