if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
