Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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