Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
