i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
