she woke up with a sticky ear
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
