wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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