what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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