WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
