some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
