do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
