i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
sarcasm needs its own font
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
