Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
