I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
