Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
