Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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