There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
