apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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