When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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