I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
