Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
