Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
