Just cropdusted the office
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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