you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
