I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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