So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
