I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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