the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
