He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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