he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
