After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
