Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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