that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize