Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize