He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
