Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize