I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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