I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
