my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
