Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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