We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
