I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
