DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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