Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
