I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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