with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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