$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My hand turned me down
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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