Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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