Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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