just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
