Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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