guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
