You work out of a Hotel?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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