Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
