if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
