his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
