he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
